Endings and Beginnings

Well, so much for regular updates on life with a baby.

Whoever said the days are long but the years are short was right on.
There are days when I don’t think we’ll ever make it to nap time, but
looking back at the last time I posted on this blog, I can’t believe
nearly two years have gone by.

Where did my baby go?!?

Because Henry is so awesome and simply the best, we started thinking
about having another kiddo shortly after he turned one last November.

I’m one!

Our first try for Baby #2 was in December. We tried again in January,
and then again in February. After 3 unsuccessful attempts, we decided
to take a few months off. Henry was still nursing pretty frequently,
and, as a result, my system was all out of whack.

I thought I would have a baby brother or sister on the way by now.IMG_0881.JPG

Our next try was in June. Henry was down to 2-3 nursing sessions a day,
and my body was feeling more like its old self. No luck.

But, we did have fun strawberry picking.IMG_1779.JPG

We took a month off, and tried again in August. We were up at a camp
on Lake Willoughby during the second half of the two-week wait, so I
wasn’t even tempted to test before I missed my period.

Fun at camp.IMG_1781.JPG

When we got home, which was also the day I was supposed to get my
period, I took a test. Negative. Two more days passed and my period
was still MIA. I took another test and the faintest of faint lines
appeared. We didn’t want to get too excited, so I tested again the
next day and got another fainty faint line. This line was even fainter
than the first. Not a good sign according to my internet research, but
I’m always holding on to the last shred of hope. I found some article
which said extremely high levels of hcg could cause false negatives. I
convinced myself I was having twins, if not triplets. . .that would
explain the diminishing lines!! The next day I got my period.

Even though the chemical pregnancy was extremely disappointing, we
were encouraged that I had at least gotten pregnant, so we ended up
trying again in September. As a side note, we have the most amazing
donor, who is always so accommodating of my fertile window.

We weren’t on vacation during the two-week wait in September, so I
tested at 10 dpo (when I got my first positive with Henry). Stark
white. And then I started spotting. Erin thought we were out this
month as well, but I, the always hopeful one, was convinced that this
was implantation spotting. And, I was right! The spotting lasted two
days. The day after it stopped, I tested and got a faint line, but it
was definitely darker than the previous month’s. I went out and bought
some digital pregnancy tests — the clearblue ones that actually say
“pregnant” and the first response test that just says “yes” or “no”
but is a bit more sensitive than clearblue. The next morning I tested
with both. According to clearblue I was not pregnant, but according to
first response I was. That put a bit of a damper on things. I tested
with another clearblue the next day. Still not pregnant. The next day,
I tested with another first response line test and got a very faint
line, slightly fainter than the previous test two days before. I
couldn’t believe it was happening again.

I had really wanted to nurse Henry until he was two, and my original
plan had been to nurse him until he weaned himself. For the past two
months he was only nursing once a day, right before bed. That was one
of my favorite times of the day. I had not been willing to give up our
nursing relationship for some baby that didn’t even exist. But, after
going through two very early losses, I decided that I wanted to give
Henry another sibling more than I wanted to have our “mommy milk”
time. So, on September 29, I nursed Henry for the last time.

Is this really the last time?IMG_1769.JPG

I don’t know if eventually I would have been able to sustain a
pregnancy while still nursing him infrequently, but I didn’t want to
take my chances.

That brings us to the present. We’re all set to try again in another
week or so. . .

The only accessory missing is a baby bump! IMG_1738.PNG


4 thoughts on “Endings and Beginnings

  1. Wow! Great reading and that last picture of Henry, incredible! Good luck. It’s all so amazing! Much love Aunt ann

    Sent from my iPhone


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